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Friday, 23 December 2005

Hmm, havent written in this in so long, ive forgotten how it feels like to pour out your thought and soul on paper and just feel like the burden is lifted off the shoulders. I don't knw what excatly got into me today, but i was watching all these xmas stories and shows on tv for like 3 hours straight.. (ya i knw right) Anyways so i started thinking back to my childhood.. i mean ever since i can remeber, since going to a catholic private school xmas was a HUGE thing to me and all i wanted for xmas was a simple tree with a few decorations and presents and hell maybe even believe in santa.. i mean 18 years ive been having one shitty xmas after another, when will my brother's death stop haunting me? i sound like sucha bitch cuz im blaming him but honestly im not.. i honestly just wanted a picture perfect xmas for once in my life, is that so much to ask for? anyways so i decided taht imma put up lights in my room just to make myself a lil more cheerful..

xoxo

payal

Thursday, 27 October 2005

This has been one interesting week..starting with sunday.. i got caught up with a REALLY old friend of mine.. and i prolly spent most of my sunday on the phone with him, it was FABLIOUS, i was like at mandir but i spent most of my time in the car on the phone with em, my mom was like this must be someone special and i kinda laughed it off.. it was sucha trip back to the summer of '04, we basically sat there on the fone and listened to hindi love songs specially My Dil goes Mmmmm and Ashiq bhanya aapne.. heres the catch.. damn boi doesnt really understand em!!! LOL gosh its so hard not to love em anyways i miss *him* cant wait till monday! finally going home rite?? and then its like 2-3 vacation.. then back nooo i hate it !!!! and hate the navy too..( i KID!!please dont get mad.. u know i wouldnt say crap abt the navy specially with u in it.. hahha)

been waking up everyday thinkin it was friday.. haha, its been soo cold lately.. i hate the winter.. anyways so ya ive gotten soo many compliments this week abt my hair.. i dont think i really did anything to it but everyone said it looked good so i was hey thats cool.. thankz fo the compliments.. hehe umm so diwali's this weekend so excited cant wait.. im ready for this new year to begin..

Garba was actually kinda good this year, with Ricky, Palak, Ami, Nikita, her lil bros, Vik and ofcourse Yash Raj and CHAND ji!! I miss that whole crowd and all of us hanging outside in the cold and just playing around with ricky, hes defintly like the big bro firgure type role in my life thats irreplacable.(<< big word!!) So word on the street was that Javed was there.. soo glad i didnt see em.. someone woulda defintly been in more pain then me if i had.. hahah yes im evil.. i know.. wht else hmmm JOYNUL!!! came to garba.. omg the kid needs to like EAT! hes cute but really skinny!! .. ooo best part.. i was standing there talkin to Shan and Asif and when i finished and went back to palak she was like so how did it feel to talk to someone who u didnt have to look up to.. i was like hahah, ya im really glad though that vivek actually came this year.. we need learn how to stay in the correct pattern and routine!! next year fo sure!

All of us chillin at Garba 05'!

So, Palak's already making xmas plans for dinner, gotta love that girl, its like shes my best friend in the whole wide world.. she makes me feel soo crappy at times when she yells at me but in the end shes there for me when i need her the most.. love ya pali!               Palak: we should all go
Palak: to estanbull cafe
Palak: n then mirch masel
Palak: we do tha all tha time
Palak: its fun
Palak: like belly dancers n all tha /// so i guess we got that firgured out.. now i think for the people its the whole punjabi crew and the few of us guju grls.. haha.. so apparently im stayin over at palli's .. wow its onli the end of Oct and we got our December plans ready.. woohoo goo us!! this is gonna be fun!! .. wow this is LONG .. time to work on the essay and stuff.. ciao..

oo just before i leave..

a few pictures!:

ricking: ur like a lil angel
Me: why do u say tht
ricking: like a doll
ricking: jus a good gurl ....   Me:so im a doll intresting, yes cool!  yup.

OO one more thing before i end this.. akash made this ffor me lastnight and it totally made my night .. it looked better on a larger scale..

*note to myself... gotta start listening to more bhangra... yup.. uh huh.. haha *

xoxo

much love!

Thursday, 13 October 2005

This week offically sucks.. i hate it sooo much like for instance todai this shit happened, ok well it all started yesterday when we got soemthing in the mail from school saying my SS number wasnt on file and stuff and then this morning i was running extremely late and like im sitting there tryin to find my check and like my dad decides he wants to give me my ss number n stuff and the bus comes n i wa slike i dont have time for this right now and it turnes into this huge shouting spree and then i just walk out slaming the door as hard as i could on my way out so then i get yelled at for that and then get to school..found my check ... found out we had a test tomorrow in econ and then i came home and my mom wanted to pick a fight with me shes like do this do that for me .. and i wa slike woman ur unemployment check will come n she started cryin and i felt like shit.. then like we went out.. that was fine.. i mean i was ok then we come home i get ready for the play and call cindy and ofcourse shes already lost and then i get her lost even more and then shes like screw it im just going to school and my dads like do u wanna go? and i basically lost my mood after that to go and so i didnt go and im stuck at home and basically everyones annying the crap outta me in everyway possible its like.. personal entertainment.. lets push payal's buttons and see her get mad and then pissed and then frustread to the extent of crying.. i feel like shit! ive been lying in bed for the past 30 min, keep crying but i cant explain why.. soo much shit has happened.. how do i manage to get myself into situtions that i cant explain how i feel but inside i knw excatly how i feel but i cant seem to put words to those thoughts.. i duno im just kinda rambling.. but ya i duno todai was horribel .. i think i need a tight hug and kiss right now

I may not be the most attractive, I may not say all the right words, but when you see me, you know i am the one that can make you smile, laugh, and cry all at the same time...thats all me {sounds like me doesnt it?}

i am who i am, dont like it ,SCREW YRSELF!!!
make mistakes then learn from them, i sure have
Expect nothing and you'll never be dissappointed.(reminder to myself to think abt tht again)
Live every moment like,There will never be a SECOND CHANCE
sum things just arent meant to be (reminder to myself.. dont forget this)

"Defeat cannot dishearten me. It can only chasten me. I know that God will guide me. Truth is superior to man's wisdom."

Tuesday, 11 October 2005

Karma, its so true ... it'll always catch up to you one day or another.. realized so much this year.. defintly learned alot about myself these past couple months, not an easy person to live with.. treated people like crap... i wanna take the time out today and say im extremely sorry for everything.. things happen in life so fast ..you basically have no choice but to live in the actual moment, so what if i couldnt be your girlfriend.. atleast im lucky enough to say with a smile on my face.. look thats my childhood friend, my best friend, who means the world to me.. i think you know who you are... i havent been the nicest person in the past two days to you and i wanna apologize to you, id like to go back to the old days forget the bad stuff and remeber the good stuff.. because while it lasted.. it was good moments and neither you nor i can deny that part i hope.. i honestly duno why im pouring my heart and soul out in this but somethings i jsut cant say and sometimes its better to be left unsaid, but i want you to remeber one thing.. whenever you have a bad day, remeber theres someone out that truely cares for you because of who you are and not what you are...

---deciated to my best friend for life.. *cheers to the good times for many life times to come*
"Nothing lasts forever. So live it up, drink it down, laugh it off, avoid the bullshit, take chances and never have regrets because at one point, what you did - was what you wanted." - Unknown
funny how life plays with our minds.. n us being stupid emotinal fools, fall for life's little traps.. i surrender.. finally broken down.. duno anything from right and wrong anymore... why cant i ever be happy anymore? why does my life always start to crumble when things get good or i get the slightest bit of happiness.. i have no right to point fingers on anyone anymore cuz this time its my own fault.. i got myself into a mess and now i gotta keep my head up n get outta it by myself.. anyways thts just my thoughts for the day.. life really sucks at the moment i hate garba with a passion now... i dont ever wanna go anymore...